I guess I've had 2 epiphany or 'ah-ha' moments in the last week. The first one was last weekend when I was wedding dress shopping with my 3 sisters, mom and niece. The back of the bridal store is filled with mirrors. I could see myself from every angle. I couldn't stop staring in disbelief that the face looking back at me was attached to the body. I am very disappointed in myself that I've let myself get this big. I know some women would like to be my size, but for me it's unacceptable. It's gotten to the point, as it has been at this point for some time now, that my weight has become all-consuming. It's constantly on my mind.
My second 'ah-ha' epiphany moment was more like an event than a moment. I had a bachelorette party last week. I had been looking forward to it for over a year. When the time came for the party, I felt oddly uncomfortable and out of place. First off, I was older than most of the girls, which wasn't a big deal, but when they were all skinny, with these great little party dresses and perky boobs, I'd had all I could take. I used my allergies as an excuse as to why my eyes were watering when the truth was I was crying. I found an opportunity to leave without much notice and skipped the whole evening. I drove home all the while telling myself that I was just as fun as they were and had every right to enjoy the evening, but couldn't bring myself to go back out to party. I woke up the next morning thankful that I wasn't overly tired and hungover, but also feeling like a crappy friend for lying and saying I had a headache and decided to stay home. I am not the kind of person who lets my friends down and if my friend knew the real reason I didn't go out, she'd be disappointed in me.
SO, after all this (this isn't the first time I've let my weight keep me from enjoying something), I decided I have to get in the right mental state, buck up and take some action. Just like I said I would do with my sister beginning Sunday August 16th, I am starting over for the last time!! I had a fairly good eating day yesterday and while I didn't manage to get any exercise in, I did not over-eat.
I've attached a pic of me and my friend Tammy from a couple weeks ago. I posted it so I can see how puffy my face is. We had a blast that night and after a few too many cocktails, I didn't care that I was 'rockin' my beer gut' on the dance floor. I want every night out to be that way, but without having to wait until the cocktails hit to shed my inhibitions.
So here goes my plan:
I signed up for a Guts & Butts Bootcamp. It starts today, meets twice a week for 75 minutes each time and runs for 8 weeks. I called the instructor last night to add my name to the list and inquire about a couple things. We were on the phone for 40 minutes. In the first 10 minutes, he had me rethinking attending. He said there would be a lot of nights I would be wishing I hadn't signed up and I told him that's my fault. I wouldn't be in this predicament if I'd had some self discipline in the past. I am sorta looking forward to it. The one thing I am unsure of is that it's an outdoor class. We will be at a park tonight and then the class moves to a different venue around the city every time, so we can utilize some outdoor stuff. I'm guessing this means one night we will probably be a the football stadium running the stairs, one night will be running up/down hills and stuff. I just worry about the elements. I like to be comfortable when I work-out (maybe that's part of the problem). He said I will have less ass following me around by the middle of October and less of a gut protruding from over my jeans. I guess he'll be a miracle worker! My husband is so very supportive!
Also between classes, my goal is to go to the gym at least twice on my own during the week. That gives me a total of 4 times a week-I have made the committment to myself to do this. It will be hard some nights, but not as hard as trying to fit in my jeans all the time.
To compliment this exercise plan, I am going to eat healthy. I am off to a wonderful start today already. We are celebrating my assistants birthday in the office today. I did NOT eat a piece of the rhubarb dessert she brought. I had malt-o-meal for breakfast, a banana at 10:30 and I brought a WW meal for lunch. My plan is to have breakfast at 7am, either fruit or vegetables for a snack at 10am, lunch at 1pm and a snack at 4pm of fruit, veggies or a protein shake. I have committed to making healthy meals at home (which should be easy with all the produce from our garden). I have also given up pop. I have not had any for over a week now. The big thing for me right now is going to be to give up beer. I am going to try to give up all alcohol, but I also want to be realistic. Although, I am a beer drinker, so giving up the other alcohols won't be as hard as giving up the beer. I am going to drink a ton of water. I will still enjoy my 2 cups of coffee in the morning-I can't go cold-turkey with everything and coffee is not something I am prepared to give up.
The instructor (Randall is his name) said something to me last night that makes sense, but pisses me off a little. He said its harder for women to lose weight, so why shouldn't they have to work harder. I guess this entire journey will be hard, but I am hoping to stay positive. I just know that if I can see some sort of change, I can stay motivated! Shelia, this is where you come in. You have been unwavering in your support and I have failed you. I am committed to posting on this blog and to supporting you. So here goes-we're off on the journey for the last time! Love you-
I guess I've had 2 epiphany or 'ah-ha' moments in the last week. The first one was last weekend when I was wedding dress shopping with my 3 sisters, mom and niece. The back of the bridal store is filled with mirrors. I could see myself from every angle. I couldn't stop staring in disbelief that the face looking back at me was attached to the body. I am very disappointed in myself that I've let myself get this big. I know some women would like to be my size, but for me it's unacceptable. It's gotten to the point, as it has been at this point for some time now, that my weight has become all-consuming. It's constantly on my mind.
My second 'ah-ha' epiphany moment was more like an event than a moment. I had a bachelorette party last week. I had been looking forward to it for over a year. When the time came for the party, I felt oddly uncomfortable and out of place. First off, I was older than most of the girls, which wasn't a big deal, but when they were all skinny, with these great little party dresses and perky boobs, I'd had all I could take. I used my allergies as an excuse as to why my eyes were watering when the truth was I was crying. I found an opportunity to leave without much notice and skipped the whole evening. I drove home all the while telling myself that I was just as fun as they were and had every right to enjoy the evening, but couldn't bring myself to go back out to party. I woke up the next morning thankful that I wasn't overly tired and hungover, but also feeling like a crappy friend for lying and saying I had a headache and decided to stay home. I am not the kind of person who lets my friends down and if my friend knew the real reason I didn't go out, she'd be disappointed in me.
SO, after all this (this isn't the first time I've let my weight keep me from enjoying something), I decided I have to get in the right mental state, buck up and take some action. Just like I said I would do with my sister beginning Sunday August 16th, I am starting over for the last time!! I had a fairly good eating day yesterday and while I didn't manage to get any exercise in, I did not over-eat.
I've attached a pic of me and my friend Tammy from a couple weeks ago. I posted it so I can see how puffy my face is. We had a blast that night and after a few too many cocktails, I didn't care that I was 'rockin' my beer gut' on the dance floor. I want every night out to be that way, but without having to wait until the cocktails hit to shed my inhibitions.
So here goes my plan:
I signed up for a Guts & Butts Bootcamp. It starts today, meets twice a week for 75 minutes each time and runs for 8 weeks. I called the instructor last night to add my name to the list and inquire about a couple things. We were on the phone for 40 minutes. In the first 10 minutes, he had me rethinking attending. He said there would be a lot of nights I would be wishing I hadn't signed up and I told him that's my fault. I wouldn't be in this predicament if I'd had some self discipline in the past. I am sorta looking forward to it. The one thing I am unsure of is that it's an outdoor class. We will be at a park tonight and then the class moves to a different venue around the city every time, so we can utilize some outdoor stuff. I'm guessing this means one night we will probably be a the football stadium running the stairs, one night will be running up/down hills and stuff. I just worry about the elements. I like to be comfortable when I work-out (maybe that's part of the problem). He said I will have less ass following me around by the middle of October and less of a gut protruding from over my jeans. I guess he'll be a miracle worker! My husband is so very supportive!
Also between classes, my goal is to go to the gym at least twice on my own during the week. That gives me a total of 4 times a week-I have made the committment to myself to do this. It will be hard some nights, but not as hard as trying to fit in my jeans all the time.
To compliment this exercise plan, I am going to eat healthy. I am off to a wonderful start today already. We are celebrating my assistants birthday in the office today. I did NOT eat a piece of the rhubarb dessert she brought. I had malt-o-meal for breakfast, a banana at 10:30 and I brought a WW meal for lunch. My plan is to have breakfast at 7am, either fruit or vegetables for a snack at 10am, lunch at 1pm and a snack at 4pm of fruit, veggies or a protein shake. I have committed to making healthy meals at home (which should be easy with all the produce from our garden). I have also given up pop. I have not had any for over a week now. The big thing for me right now is going to be to give up beer. I am going to try to give up all alcohol, but I also want to be realistic. Although, I am a beer drinker, so giving up the other alcohols won't be as hard as giving up the beer. I am going to drink a ton of water. I will still enjoy my 2 cups of coffee in the morning-I can't go cold-turkey with everything and coffee is not something I am prepared to give up.
The instructor (Randall is his name) said something to me last night that makes sense, but pisses me off a little. He said its harder for women to lose weight, so why shouldn't they have to work harder. I guess this entire journey will be hard, but I am hoping to stay positive. I just know that if I can see some sort of change, I can stay motivated! Shelia, this is where you come in. You have been unwavering in your support and I have failed you. I am committed to posting on this blog and to supporting you. So here goes-we're off on the journey for the last time! Love you-
Look at you go girl!!! I am convinced that you can do this. Focusing on your weight is also a big thing for me as well. I wish I knew how to over come that part! Beer, why do we like that so much? Ok, if "Randall" thinks women need to work harder, your body is going to be crying after his workouts!! How many other people in the class, I am curious to know the age range of the people in the class!! This actaully sounds like a lot of fun. 75 minutes of pure intensity!!! you go girl!! Look at you at work today, no birthday celebrating!! Good for you. Did you ever make the Veggie burgers I got ready for you? I think that now when you blog how you are doing it will also make you feel better but keep you more motivated as well. Don't get discouraged if you can't make it to the gym the first couple of weeks, you will probably be really sore. It took time to put the weight on so it will take time for your body to get used to eating differently and working out more. Good luck!!! I will look for a posting daily!!!!
ReplyDeleteSheryl, it's great to see your post. Weight is consuming! It can be the reason that we want to go somewhere (and show off our accomplishments) or stay home (because we've accomplished to eat our way to tighter jeans). You have a great attitude and the support to keep it going!
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